this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
