I wanna bring you to show and tell
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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