before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
