Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
BRING THE BAGELS
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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