everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
