Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
