Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
