i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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