Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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