can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
