Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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