there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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