If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
