I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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