there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
