Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
