FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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