im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
