is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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