Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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