I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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