Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
