so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize