why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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