I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
