If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
