Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
