you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
