we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
