I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
