Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I lost the right to judge tonight
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
