WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
