the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
How does it feel to date your dad?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize