Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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