Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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