what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Randomize
