you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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