last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
