Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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