White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
