Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
