I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
