you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
