we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
