she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
