sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
