Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
