My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
