omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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