Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize