dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
