Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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