I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
