I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
