How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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