i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
