My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
