He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
