I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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