I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
