Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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