I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
